Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
