His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
