She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
