You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
