we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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