Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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