You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
