he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
