he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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