i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
