i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
