He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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