using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
