so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
