I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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