Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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