She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
