Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize