Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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