There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
