Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
