How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
