did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize