You're my little dorito
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
