I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
