Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
