Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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