If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
