Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize