She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize