I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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