Ambien. No doubt about it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
