Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
