Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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