sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sorry about my life...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
