What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
