Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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