They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Randomize
