The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
