walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
