i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
