So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I smell stomach acid.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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