do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
