I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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