Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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