Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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