You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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