my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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