I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
wat bout pragnant strippers??
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im holly from the hills drunk
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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