Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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