the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
