I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the day after is always just damage control
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
