his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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