we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
