so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
