Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he puts the penis in happiness.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
