i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
