you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
