She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
