dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize