there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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