hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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