this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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