So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
