i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
