Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
