Already got asked if we're dating
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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