I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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