I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
