dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
only you would photoshop your dick
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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