I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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