so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize