The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
