and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
