I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
