drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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