Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
