Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
