weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
