How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
